Therapy - Day One

I feel terribly isolated this week. Even my usual haunts seem to be out of whack (for me - just because they're not catering to me in particular doesn't mean they're doing anything wrong, of course).

In case anyone else is feeling out, off, or just plain old bored, and you happen to read this blog, feel free to use these Therapy posts (which I plan to continue as a series) as a place to vent, chat, babble, whatever.

My therapy-related issues:

I'm being driven up the wall today by the television. I'm reminded more and more of why I stopped watching. It's just more potent, now, as my activist awareness has ballooned since I made that decision. I'm bothered by most everything I see, by my family's enjoyment of it, and by my inability to do anything about.

I didn't get an email from Beloved today - unusual.

I'm bored, too, which doesn't help. I tried to call my best friend and ask if she wanted to go see Milk but I got no answer. I think she might be in Chicago... Additionally, I'm at that level of bored where there is very little I actual want to do. I don't even want to drink or play WoW! :)

A positive note: I mentioned HAES and intuitive eating to my mother and she seemed very on board with that. I linked her work email to Shapely Prose. ^_^

/rant

Any readers need to talk? I'm all ears.

I think I already have a post titled "Argh"...

I continue to be appalled by Burger King's "Whopper Virgins" commercials.

P.S. I'm also, now, appalled by "The Office". On so many levels.

Cutting Little Girls

FGM in Iraq.

Trigger warning.

Tears warning - I'm crying right now.

Via Feministe.

The "Highlight" of My Holidays

Okay, I've lived a fairly sheltered life. You'll see why when I tell you this story, since for most people this would hardly be noteworthy, but for me it was both unusual and deeply appalling. I "got" to see rather a lot of the awful behaviors I've learned about happen in real life.

My stepmother has a father (shocker, that, eh?). He is 70-something, very white, rather Southern (Tennessee), and unapologetically patriarchal.

He sat at "the kids table" with most of us grandchildren-types. I don't really want to try to trace how the conversation got there, but for some reason or another he used the n-word. He then decided to justify his use of the word by telling us that he is, and I quote, "great friends with the blacks." According to Mr. Patriarch, he knows many black professors at a number of American universities, and he keeps in touch with them and calls them the n-word and they are okay with that.

Frankly, the chances of that not being a load of bullshit are slim to nil, for reasons that would require me explaining everything I know of the man (plus...anyone who knows any statistics about ethnic minorities in higher education knows the chances of anyone knowing multiple black professors is...well-nigh impossible, unless you're talking about an historic black college. Which, as you will see, he was not. Additionally, the chances of those profs being women is even slimmer. You can count the number of women that graduate each year from undergraduate physics programs on the fingers of one hand. So I guess he's only friends with black men. Or something).

So, anyway. I'm sitting there fuming because I know what he's saying for the bullshit it is, but there are all these other grandchildren around that are hearing what he is saying and who knows what they're getting out of it.

So I decided to see if I could call him on his bullshit (it didn't work, but it was a good plan!). I think the wine I was having helped. I asked him what universities these "friends" taught at. The tone of interested curiosity in my voice was priceless. He started naming off some random universities in nearby states. What I wish I'd been able to do was think very quickly and come up with a fake excuse for why I would shortly be visiting one of those schools, so I could ask for the name of a "friend" and offer to say hello. At that point he would have been stuck, I imagine.

Sadly, I'm not that canny.

This man has gotten slowly worse since I've known him. The recent death of his wife has made him rather intolerable to all of his relatives, even my stepmother. We're supposed to avoid antagonizing him, but... It just burns me so, to see someone get away with such apologism and assholery. I had to try something.

Don't get me started on stepmother's sister's husband...

Post-Family Gathering Thoughts

So, last night, I spent some time at the house of some folks to whom I am only tangentially related - my stepmother's sister being the nearest "relation." This was a house where, snuggled cozily amongst the family pictures next to the fireplace was a photo of the husband and wife with their arms around President Shrub, all three grinning mightily (how they managed to get to the Prez for a photo-op might be slightly explained by mentioning that said husband owns his own small prop plane). This is the side of the family where the patriarch (stepmom's father) asks me if I'm still a Democrat and then says, "I still love you," as though there was some question about that.

I wasn't terribly comfortable there, but then... I wasn't much less comfortable there than I am at my own father's house.

I get this feeling that I'd much rather be my father's son than my father's daughter.

He got a volleyball coaching book for one of his Christmas presents (he coaches high school girls volleyball extracurricular stuff in his free time). The book has lots of advice in it about talking to officials and other coaches and such. Last night, the passage he read aloud was about intra-team interactions and not letting mistakes bring an aura of negativity to the team. The author deigned to inform us that boys will glare at the mistake-maker just after the mistake but then let it go and give a high-five to the same person moments later when they make a good move. Girls, on the other hand, we are informed, will hold a grudge for weeks, even a lifetime.

My dad read this aloud as though he thought it were great advice to point out. He listed... I think one example from his coaching experience. My youngest sister agreed with the assessment.

I felt the blood rising to my face as I struggled to quell my anger. An unsupported, uncited assertion that clings desperately to old, tired clichés about women's bitchy back-stabbing behaviors and... My dad is saying, "Yes. This is true." I felt only a slight bit of relief when my stepmother called this out. She, like me, disagreed fervently with the book's assertion, but could not convince my dad and dropped it by saying, "I'm not gonna convince you, you're not gonna convince me, let's let it go." I tried to back up my stepmother, but, frankly, I'm terrible at talking to most people about such things, let alone my father with whom I have rocky and emotional history. Plus, unlike the book's author and apparently my father, I hesitate to make assertions without some kind of evidence - and without half an hour with The Google, I had nothing.

All of which I describe for the purpose of pointing out that however much he might deny it when pressed, it seems clear to me that there is both a significant level of cognitive dissonance living in my father's brain and a non-negligible level of visceral hatred for his daughter. After all, I, unlike his non-existent son, will hold grudges for a lifetime - petty, cruel girl that I am.

Maybe it's true. I certainly hold a grudge against my father. Probably for life.

Teaspoons!

Today I received my teaspoon earrings from Faith!

Here I'm sporting them on Christmas Eve, 2008, with my mom and two sisters.

A Question to Ponder

In a Scientific American article about crashless cars that help avoid accidents without driver input, the following quote was seen:

So-called crashless cars will emerge because of customer expectations of safety, government pressure, crowded roads, an older, less capable population, and the adoption of lightweight vehicles with less crashworthy structures.

Emphasis mine.

So, here is my question. Yes, the country is aging. Is the reference to "less capable" a poke at the perpetually deteriorating "edutainment" system? If so, rock on SciAm for noticing how little the current methods prepare our young people for adulthood.

Or, do they mean "less capable because everyone knows old folks are infirm and can't drive"?

If it's the latter, I'd like to tell SciAm to please go quietly fuck itself.*

*Actually, I'd like to tell them that anyway, since they, a purported science magazine, were the first place I heard about the stupid miniature black holes that had all the crazies worked up before the LHC went online. Yes, theoretically possible. No, not practically possible - not enough energy. Period. RAWR.

OFFS

Sitting in the physics computer lab suddenly entails listening to a study in textbook examples of casual misogyny.

I can haz STFU?

Minor Accomplishment

Today, though I woke up at 8:30am, I did not look at myself in the mirror until 5:00pm.

And I didn't care.